On Suffering

This is from the heart.

This post was written over the course of several days. And contains different trails of thought.

It’s 22:47 and I’ve decided to journal my thoughts during what has been the most trying time of my life.

My younger brother went to be with the Lord on the 8th of October 2025.

It has left me in total stupefaction. It happened so suddenly. At times it doesn’t feel real. As one of the closest people in his life, even I am left with henceforth unanswerable questions.

My brother was a fine young man. He loved Jesus with all his heart; A city set on a hill; A light to this generation; A source of inspiration to many - including myself.

He was admirably humble; a selfless giver; of a pure heart; resolutely disciplined; incredibly funny.

One of my closest friends; a confidant; a brother in Christ; a role model; keeping me in check many a times.

We were just laughing about childhood memories the night before it happened, whilst sharing a meal together.

We prayed together; had Bible study together; worshipped God together.

God took us through life’s greatest trials & victories together.

We shared our dreams & aspirations with each other; encouraged each other in the Lord; spent hours opening up to each other.

We went to the gym together; played sports together; competed against each other.

We cooked together; ate together; cleaned our room together.

How did we get here?

It is at such a time that my heart is especially inclined to probe for answers to the harder questions of life.

There is a vanity that takes place on earth, that there are righteous people to whom it happens according to the deeds of the wicked, and there are wicked people to whom it happens according to the deeds of the righteous. I said that this also is vanity.

Ecclesiastes 8:14 (ESV)

The Hebrew word that Solomon uses for vanity is transliterated hebel; I never paid much attention to it until today.

It literally means breath/vapour, but is used throughout Ecclesiastes by Solomon when referring to something beyond human ability to grasp, elusive, and transient.

I’m going to focus on hebel’s first meaning - when referencing something beyond human ability to grasp. Particularly because what happened is beyond my ability to grasp.

How could a believer in Christ meet his end on this earth in such a way?

Why are there righteous people to whom it happens according to the deeds of the wicked?

It is too heart-wrenching to consider.

Intellectual answers don’t suffice to put the conscience to ease.

A logical answer won’t take away the pain.

Oddly enough - it may seem - as I have ‘wrestled with God’ heart to heart in deep thought and prayer, amongst others I am drawn to glean wisdom from the book of Job.

Here is what I have learnt so far:

• It’s possible to have a relationship with God even with unanswered questions:

  We have the privilege of reading some context before Job’s trials begun. There was a meeting in the heavens, the devil came along, God exposed that the devil had been scheming against Job, the devil accused Job of only loving God because God protected Job and blessed him, God told satan that everything Job had was, “in his hand”, and not long after, all of Job’s children died, and he lost virtually all of his wealth to natural disaster and the sword, in a single day.

  But from Job’s perspective, all that calamity came out of nowhere. Job probably didn’t even know the devil existed.

  This left him with many questions: “Why have you made me your mark? Why have I become a burden to you? The earth is given into the hand of the wicked; he (God) covers the faces of its judges - if it is not he, who then is it?”

  But the chief petition Job had before God (summarised) was, “why am I suffering? My integrity is preserved. I have not done anything to deserve it. So why?”

  When God eventually spoke with Job, He never answered that question. Why? I don’t know.

  However, God flooded Job with questions that revealed the limitations in his understanding: “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Who has put wisdom in the inward parts or given understanding to the mind? Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars and spreads his wings toward the south?”

  Limited understanding is part of the human condition. This means that there are questions for which we cannot know the answers entirely in this life.

  Yet at the end of the story, Job never renounced his relationship with God. Because his reason for believing in God was never based on God giving him only good things: “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”. Though Job didn’t have a full revelation of God’s character, in principle, he did not err.

• People don’t always suffer because they’ve done something to deserve it.

  The majority of the book of Job is a dialogue between himself and his friends. They were completely convinced that God had brought upon Job all the suffering he was enduring because he had sinned in such a way that he deserved it: “Remember: who that was innocent ever perished? Or where were the upright cut off? Does God pervert justice? Or does the Almighty pervert the right? If your children have sinned against him, he has delivered them into the hand of their transgression.”

  But Job never wavered from the conviction that he hadn’t done anything to deserve what happened to him. Eventually, God rebuked Job’s friends for their words, thereby shedding light on the fact that not all suffering a person endures is a consequence of sin.

  Remember, it was two originally sinless human beings who brought suffering into this world.

• God is not the author of evil. Satan is.

  We clearly see the difference between when a man’s life is in the hand of God, and the hand of satan. God’s hand in Job’s life was manifest through good health, long life, many children, abundant wealth, and peace - amongst others. Satan’s hand in Job’s life was manifest through sickness, torment, pain, death, poverty, and theft. When Job’s friends saw him after the devil struck, he was unrecognisable to them. It caused such intense grief that they tore their clothes, sprinkled dust on their heads, and sat silent with him for 7 days.

  Oftentimes, we misdirect dissatisfaction of life’s problems towards God, whilst completely ignoring the one who is the chief author of them all: “that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and satan, the deceiver of the whole world (Revelation 12:9)”.

• For those who are the Lord’s, what satan meant for evil, God is able to cause it to work for their good.

  I’ve read every book in the Bible multiple times. Two books that I found particularly difficult to reconcile were Revelation & Job. Revelation, because it has yet to be fully understood, Job, because there are many hard questions; answers to which can’t be given from an intellectual perspective. However, the Holy Spirit has used the book of Job to guide and comfort me greatly. I am doubtless not the only one. The fact that God brought about this good from such a story is something that if the devil knew, he would have likely reconsidered what he did to Job. Additionally, God trusted Job’s devotion to Him to such a great extent that He used Job’s story to prove tangibly - not theoretically - that devotion to God is not founded upon what God gives, rather who He is.

  A true relationship with God is not based on individual events always occurring to our advantage on this earth.

• If viewed in the moment, suffering can’t be understood. But, with a view of the end it can be reconciled.

  During the early stages of Job’s dialogue with his friends, he says, “If I summoned him and he answered me, I would not believe that he was listening to my voice. For he crushes me with a tempest and multiplies my wounds without cause; he will not let me get my breath, but fills me with bitterness. (Job 9:16-18)”, and in the end when he God actually appears to him, Job responds by saying, “… Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes. (Job 42:3-6)” Job still didn’t have all the facts, nor know of the meetings which happened in the heavens. But having seen the Lord, he was able to reconcile what he went through when he realised his understanding was too limited to draw conclusions about suffering in the way he did.

• We can draw closer to God in suffering.

  Job had only heard of God by the ear prior to his trials. However after his suffering, he saw Him.

  As strange as it may seem, we are meant to draw closer to the Lord in times of trials. Because He is the one we’re supposed to run to. There is special revelation we get from God during times like these.

• Human beings cannot control everything that happens to them on earth.

  Job said, “For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me. (‭‭Job‬ ‭3‬:‭25‬ )”. He gave burnt offerings to God on behalf of his children to cover for their sins done during their feasts, yet the devil still struck them. Admittedly, through the New Covenant, in Christ we have much more than Job did, yet the principle still holds that because of factors we may not always understand, there is no man that can say he has mastered life in such a way that he controls every outcome.

It is at such times that the reality and hope of the resurrection becomes an especially strong anchor. I can’t imagine how worse the pain would be believing that physical death is the end of life.

The fact I can have hope that I will see my brother again, and have answers to unanswerable questions which have the potential to forever weigh a man down, serves to comfort my heart a great deal.

Almost two thousand years ago, Jesus, God manifest in the flesh, bore our sins whilst crucified on tree, taking upon Himself all the sin of mankind. He died and rose again on the third day, never to die again, thereby cementing that mankind’s sins were forgiven by the Father. With a message to His apostles to spread the Good News (gospel) that all who believe in this message would receive this forgiveness and inherit eternal life, he ascended to the Father.

The eternal life we obtain through faith in Jesus is not about lying on clouds, and playing harps before God. It’s about a restoration of relationship between mankind and his Creator. A relationship based on things far deeper than just obtaining material things.

It’s a relationship based on unconditional love, forgiveness, transformation of being, amongst others. One that is continued past this life.

And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.

John 17:3 (ESV)

Once Adam brought death into this world through sin, Jesus didn’t defeat death by stopping it from happening. He did it through the resurrection. God used the greatest suffering to bring about the greatest salvation; the greatest glory.

Looking back to what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 8:14, it’s an acknowledgment that there is something wrong with this world. Some corrupting power that seems to have its tentacles in every area of physical life. That there are things unsettled in this life, which if it was the only one, would only serve to fuel despair and hopelessness. Christ’s resurrection is a light for all who believe that someday, every valley will be raised, every mountain floored, and every crooked path made straight.

Till then, we are to keep choosing life, aiming upwards, and striving for good to prevail.

Friends, knowing that my brother shall rise again doesn’t take away the grief. It just means that I don’t weep without hope. Having relationship with God doesn’t mean when I see photos of my younger brother, smells that remind me of him, hear his voice, and remember our time together, it doesn’t hurt deeply. It means I have the Comforter to mend my broken heart and give me peace; that my God will somehow work this out for good; that there is a great glory that shall be revealed.

Chris, I miss you. I love you dearly, brother. I long to say that to you again. I shall get to say it, when we meet anew.

This post was written with sundry tears.